words · of · love · and · words · so · leisured

Originally posted by kythryne at internet powers, activate!

so very obviously, i broke my own vow.

i suck.

but so many things have happened, in my defense. I have started watching Korean dramas, psycho-analysed characters of Korean dramas with dear aud into the wee hours of the morning, shifted the house back to the old house which is also in pasir ris (how novel!) and IS RIDICULOUSLY ENOUGH WITHOUT INTERNET ACCESS, screwed up my prelims, got appendicitis and had a (dodgy) doctor cut me open, gone to my orthodontist who took a look at the appendix cut and said, most comfortingly, 'why is it so large?! and why is it cut in the wrong direction?!, etc etc.

Not everything in that order, of course. oh yes, and in between, i have accomplished the usual, aka managing to slack off for hours on my com WITHOUT INTERNET ACCESS for hours, watching too much youtube when i do manage to get my hands on internet access, watching too much tv, so much so that i can now remember all the sequences for the goong advertisements (go me!). and of course i've gone out as little as possible.

i must start studying. i must start studying. i must start studying.

ARGH!!!

i'm not even going to start on uni applications, because that is just so depressing. and now i'm trying very hard not to newly obsess over something and actually get down to work (in case you're wondering, no, i haven't gotten down to work, which would explain why i'm still online).

well, at least i should count my blessings. now that we're back at the other house, i have aircon again at night :) arh, the luxury. and maybe it's a good thing that i don't have internet access yet, so maybe i'll get down to work, finally (i think i will be frightened into it by tomorrow's incoming prelim results). no, really.

i know i didn't do well for the last cts - it was the worst i have ever done, in terms of grades. but i guess it sort of struck home with the progress report and mrs c actually spelling it out that my grades had dipped.

so tonight i played online, finished dt which made me feel as if it was closing a chapter of my life, a chapter which once had me and aud discussing dt while on a taxi home together from the end-of-years in sec two. funny how it has been a small, tiny constant all these four years. strange how i feel as if i'll miss it, quite a bit.

tomorrow morning, i'm going to study. and on this entry i swear i won't come online to play until the a levels are over. i ought to know what is at stake; it's about time i stopped daydreaming so much.

school is mad, mad is school. i am actually quite upset that mrs kwan is leaving us; but i'm sure she has her reasons (and she does, very valid ones, at that). but even so. she's the first teacher whose leaving us has made me feel anything other than apathy. as much as that sounds terrible, but well. i'm sure others would agree. that's a teacher who makes rj worth your while.

and i like my new icon! it's from someone at the ouran community. :)

today i felt completely out of the loop and unable to communicate with anyone in class, partly because i had sincerely nothing to say (all i could think about was my hist s essay for rollason, OH MY GOODNESS ME WTH is HISTORICAL INEVITABILITY), and partly because no one had anything to say to me. well i am at least at my worst honest.

and i did something bad yesterday, i think: he asked me about something and i kind of snapped. but sincerely it is going nowhere, and if i had any guts i would say so out loud. honesty is not an issue here: i know it. and i have no time for this, i just did my worst in my short time in the cram house that is a junior college and i sincerely NEED a scholarship to get out of here for a breather (and just five minutes ago i received the sudden inspiration that hey, maybe i do want to do history seriously) and i have a piano exam lined up, for which i have just found out, to my utter horror, that no, actually, i can't sing. not really. neither can i hear, for that matter. am fully prepared to flunk aural.

there are times when i wish only me and my imaginary daydream world existed, because it sure as heck is the only thing that is keeping me smiling nowadays. that and my creative zen micro, except that it does not have natalie imbruglia's torn. and ouran high school host club, because it features evil twins that help patch the fredandgeorge withdrawal gaps, and so much more.

i really want to watch the germany-italy match, but if i screw up my sleeping pattern again (which is already falling apart at the seams), i just know the repercussions will be rather bad.

why oh why do i always fall sick so easily! ARGH.

in any case, please let borowski be able to gell well with ballack, please let him replace frings well, please let the inexperienced backline hold. Toer fuer Deutschland! *prays hard*